Thursday, July 5, 2012

Gastrointestinally Yours

And now, a word (or two) about farts.

Why farts? If you really need some meaningful rationale, then you should probably just move on and come back another day. MY reason is that I came across some things about farts that I thought were fascinating and, by nature, I like to share these things. Ya know.

For instance, I recently came across a flatulence based good news/bad news scenario involving mice. It was a string of articles written by different scientists about how human farts lower blood pressure in mice. It has something to do with the hydrogen sulfide in farts, which is the chemical that makes them especially stinky. The only thing is, if mice, or other creatures, breathe too many farts, it can begin to disfigure and mutate their sinus cavities.

Of course, this makes me wonder, automatically, how they gathered this data, and also how the carefully regulated use of farts might be beneficial to human beings suffering with high blood pressure. Also, what might occur due to an accidental overdose. I’m sure it has you wondering as well...

Go ahead. Let your mind wander. I’ll wait.

Dum de dum de dum dum dum.

I also discovered (though I didn’t take time to verify it) that the average human being farts around 14 times a day. But these articles didn’t say how much of that expulsion was during sleep. They also did NOT chronicle the average length of said farts, nor did they present the sonic pitch of the farts, which has a tremendous impact, I’m sure you know, on the actual volume of release per second of any given period of flatulence.

So, there’s my daily bit of info presented for the general good of humankind.

Better out than in I always say.

Peace to you.

© LW Publishing 2011


  1. Lol. Girls fart much less of course and only before showering.

  2. Your "girls fart much less" comment makes me think of the old musician's adage, where we say, "The difference between a pro and an amateur is that the pro never lets you know when he makes a mistake, while an amateur can't help but let you know he's made a mistake." --- It may just be, my friend, that women are pros at the farting game.

  3. If human farts lower blood pressure in mice, then I would think mice farts might lower blood pressure in humans. However, my rough calculations tell me that an average human has about 2,721 times more mass than an average mouse. So in order to similarly affect blood pressure in a human we may need the mouse farts to approximate a mouse 2,721 times that of a human, or approximately 7,403,000 mice. I have a very non-scientific feeling that being around 7,403,000 farting mice won't lower my blood pressure. (Rough calculations based on mathmematical methods of the Congressional Budget Office.)

  4. Yes, yes, you may be on to something there. Or, we could splice together the genes of a common house mouse with an elephant and create a single Godzilla sized mouse which could be kept in the back yard and carefully funnel the flatulence in to the house via a system of pipes, sort of like the Flintstones did with their showers.


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