Missing Surprises

 I recently read a movie review. It was like many modern film reviews. It was annoying. I’m not talking about whether or not the reviewer liked the movie. I’m talking about this trend to do a long Cliffs Note on a movie, followed by a short, perfunctory explanation about how the movie did or didn’t “impress” the reviewer in the way the reviewer wanted the film to. They can tell you if they liked it. They can tell you what kind of bugged them about the film. But they can't much tell you why.

This is the trend. It's been going on for a while. Out of six paragraphs, four are spent recounting the film, followed by a mindless blurb about whether or not the movie made a good impression. Was it too gory or too silly or too whatever? Theme? What's that? Cinematography? What's that? Subtext? What's that?

And the teasers for the films are the same. Mindless. These advertisements for the movies that reveal the entire, tired, plot in 30 seconds, leaving you no real reason to actually see the movie. Gotta review that movie. Don’t have much to say. Guess I’ll spend a bunch of time spoiling the thing with a pointless description of the plot so I can get this review over with and get to what I really want to do.

The reviewers spend more time talking about the plot of the film than the merits/weaknesses of the film. It happens all the time these days. And they seem to be operating under the assumption that you won’t understand their review unless, what? Unless you’ve already seen the movie? Which you haven’t? So they have to tell you all about the movie so you can understand their shallow review?

And books are the same these days. A lady gave my wife some books she thought I would like. Some paperback “thrillers” which is a genre spearheaded by Tom Clancy and John Grisham. Some people call them “suspense” novels. Military thrillers. Medical suspense.Whatever. So I have this “thriller/suspense” book in my hand, I’m looking it over, and on the back it says this:

“As Tony and Anne begin to peel back the layers of Marissa Fordham’s life, they find a clue fragment here, another there. And just when it seems Marissa has taken her secrets to the grave, they uncover a fact that puts Anne and Haley directly in the sights of a killer: Marissa Fordham never existed.”

Oh. Really. And this element was so non essential to the enjoyment of this “suspense” story and how it played out that we could reveal it on the back of the book? And how long do we have to wait for the people in the story to find out this little tidbit? Well. Even if it's unimportant to the plot, it's dumb to print what even looks like a major plot point on the cover of a book. Especially a “suspense” book. It makes you feel like there’s not going to be any suspense.

It seems to me that the people promoting these movies and books and such either think we’re really stupid and need to be led along on a string, or they are the ones who are really stupid and somehow, unaccountably, don’t realize that they are ruining the experience for a lot of us. But, whichever it is, there is definitely some stupid going on somewhere.

Anyway. Bye now, and...

Peace to you.

© LW Publishing 2011

Robot Monster

A while back I did a 3D movie night with my kids. We did this at home, not at the theater, and it wasn’t with the new high-falutin’ new-fangled overpriced stuff you see coming out at the stores. We watched Robot Monster in 3D with the old fashioned card-board glasses.

The kids liked the movie, which shows me I’m doing something right as a parent. And it took me back to when I was a kid, watching this movie on a Saturday afternoon with Sir Graves Ghastly, who was a local TV movie host that dressed up as a vampire.

The great thing about Robot Monster is that it is truly one of the worst movies ever made, and yet, somehow, it is wonderful to behold. The sheer audacity of putting a man in a gorilla suit with an old fashioned diving helmet for a head, paired with a cave and a bubble producing communication machine . . . I am stunned by the bravery of the man who made this film. And it holds the distinct honor of almost always being listed among some of the worst movies ever made.

But let me tell you a not-so-secret secret: The films that end up on the worst movies ever made lists are not really the worst movies ever made. What they are is low budget films that really should be bad, and certainly are bad on a technical level, but somehow people love to watch them. Just like people like cheesy songs. Just like people love to eat weird disgusting food.

Robot Monster is one of the best of the worst. Way.

And yet, it was apparently a bad experience for the director, Phil Tucker. Not the making of the film, but the reviews. From every story I’ve read, he had a blast making the movie. He thought he had a classic on his hands. But when it first came out, according to some different sources, Phil Tucker attempted suicide in response to the profoundly negative reviews.

People laugh about this now, but I’m sure it wasn’t funny to Phil. Not at the time. And I can relate. I have received some pretty negative reviews in my life too. I have produced things that people have torn apart with their words and attitudes. It’s amazing how hard people will beat you down. They seem to enjoy it. And for what? For not meeting their expectations.

But Phil made it through, somehow. He kept at it. He went on to direct five or six more movies, including a movie starring comedian Lenny Bruce. None of them were quite as bad as Robot Monster, but you can’t come up with a winner every time.

The good news is that Phil found his wings. He became a very successful editor working on big budget films in Hollywood for the rest of his career. He also earned a U.S. Patent for a turbine engine that he created.


He was a very smart man.




Galatians 6:9
Peace to you.




© LW Publishing 2010