Who Can Understand It?

What’s going on? Why do people do the things they do? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I respond this way or that?

It seems to me, like it or not, that everyone has pieces of themselves they either can’t or won’t share with another human being. Even if you want to, when you’re willing to, there will be things you can’t share, because you don’t even know what’s going on yourself. Some things are unknowable. And these “unknowables” are what often lead us to the water, or the poison, we can choose to drink or leave behind.

Some people want to be “transparent” about their lives. They feel it’s false or fake in some way to hold anything back. But even if you managed, somehow, to totally reveal what you believe to be the “truth” of who you are, you would still be a mystery because you can’t even know yourself completely. How is anyone else going to know you that fully?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s worth trying, at least with some people. But it is futile in many ways and I think we need to admit that up front. We’re all just the tips of icebergs. There is a lot going on below the surface, and even a person who is amazingly dedicated to the art of self awareness and self revelation can be, I should say, “will be,” blind to their own motives and at least some of the realities that cause them to feel and eventually do what they do.

We feel things and then think things, and finally do things, because we have been convinced by some event in the past to respond that way. Sometimes, even long after the event itself is forgotten, the reaction lives on. We have been trained by experiences to respond, and our responses can tell us a lot about what’s going on underneath. But it’s like putting together a puzzle with missing and messed up pieces.

I guess you could say I believe in at least some aspects of behavioral psychology. But doesn’t it just make sense? In fact, I think it’s biblical.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

To change this reality, to “understand” your heart, you would have to remember everything you ever did, every thing that ever happened to you, and also be able to measure and calculate a proper emotional response to all that information on the fly as you move through the day.

Let me know how that works out.

You can’t always “choose” your emotional responses to things, but you can “choose” what to do with it. Where do you let it take you? What do you do as a result? A lot of people want to believe they have no control, or responsibility, for what they choose to do, because they don’t always have control over the emotional responses that lead them to that action. But you can always choose. You are not a cyborg, an automaton, a robot, or a thoughtless animal. You are not. You are a human being.

What you, and I, actually do each day, each moment, is the product of your decisions. And decisions have consequences.

© LW Publishing 2011

In Decisions

I work with human beings all the time, and I have observed a phenomenon that involves the workings of what is commonly called the “heart” and how the “heart” interacts with the “mind.” You see it when we try to make decisions. I’m not saying I don’t do it myself sometimes. But it’s very troubling.

It’s like this. There’s almost no way to keep track of what’s being pumped into our hearts and minds in a given day, let alone any extended period of time. Keeping track of and understanding our thinking is hard enough; understanding our feelings is next to impossible. And yet, when making decisions, I've noticed how we often have our minds “made up” long before we even realize it ourselves. A few negative experiences. A few words or suggestions spoken one way or another. A few emotional responses of one kind or another, and vague “decisions” begin to form within us, often uninformed or misguided, but the path is set. The mind or the heart, or both, begin leaning in a certain direction, and it’s at this point that many “decisions” are really made. Neither wisdom nor reason nor a concern for the will of God have much of anything to do with it. It’s too vague for that. It’s more a set of reactive, emotional experiences that begin to shape an attitude about things. And unless something compelling comes along to change the attitude, the beginning of a “decision” is made.

A decision about a person. About a belief. About what is or isn't acceptable. About a job or a situation or maybe even about ourselves and what we can or can’t accomplish.

People decide first. Then, they begin looking for rationalizations and validations. They look for reasons to do what they’ve already decided to do so they can supposedly make the “decision” they’ve already made. And when they arrive at a “decision,” they assume it’s in that moment that they actually "decided."

I know it's confusing, because it's confusing.

Like when a man suddenly "decides" to tell his wife he’s not happy so he’s leaving her and the children for another woman. Like when someone bails on a friendship or a commitment because of some little incident that simply doesn’t add up to bailing. Like when someone blows up in anger at some small thing and berates another person with a long list of what’s wrong with them.
  
But what’s really happened is, they have finally gotten to the point of resolve, to act on all of the impulses and feelings and intuitions and thoughts they have been experiencing for some period of time. They pour out the feelings and intuitions they’ve been feeding and growing with whatever “facts” they’ve allowed through the filters of their anger or pride or desire. They’ve finally gotten up the nerve to act on a decision they made a long time ago, long before any careful thinking or reasoning had a chance to make any difference at all.

Then we do what we want to do. What we wanted to do, really.

And we have every good reason we could find along the way for doing it.





Jeremiah 17:9
Peace to you.

© LW Publishing 2011