Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Knives In My Future

Right now, typing this, my hands are falling asleep.

Because of this phenomenon, at the end of the month, I have to get my left hand sliced open, my muscles spliced apart, my nerves moved around, then have it all sewn back together. And a few weeks later, I get to go through it all over again with my other hand.

I will have Frankenstein hands. Which is the only part of the whole thing I have any excitement about.

Here’s the problem with medical problems: Most of the time you don’t really know what to expect. How long will it take to heal? Will I be able to get my work done? Will the doctor secretly implant remote control devices in my body so that I can be manipulated into some evil scheme?

The doctor laughed at me at the consult. He said I had not asked “the question.” I had no idea what he was talking about. Finally, he told me. The question I had not asked was this:

“Will it hurt?”

Never crossed my mind. Until he brought it up.

Health problems force you into troubling questions and situations. You have to take advice, you’re kind of forced into making quick decisions about crazy things. “Yes sir. Please slice open my hands and move things around in there.” Who in their right mind would say such things? And it’s kind of like having a baby. Everyone has an opinion on it. Pros and cons. Dos and don’ts. Which is kind of fun as long as people don’t get all righteous about their opinions.

I have this pair of great friends (the marvelous C&J) who have been trying to help. I have to admit I love being loved. They bought me some cod liver oil, which I think really works to reduce symptoms, and the wife of the pair made special tea out of some scary stuff in a jar (it sort of looks like a placenta from an off world creature to me) that I am now drinking. You have a little of it each day and see what happens. It may be implanting off world creatures within my body, but it tastes kind of like apple cider, so what the hey.

I still have to go under the knife.

And I don’t want to.

But I’m going to.

Peace to you.

© LW Publishing 2011


  1. You will be fine Dave, unless that cigarette guy is really your doctor.

  2. The cigarette guy is the guy who the doctors pay to sneak in and actually do the surgery while they go get in an extra game of golf. They just make sure they're back when you come out of the anesthesia so they can take the credit. Ya know.

  3. I will be aiding on that surgery.

  4. of course it's gonna hurt he's gonna slice your hand open...my bad...it wont hurt a bit!

    i'll be praying for a speedy recovery!

  5. C&J... always good for some help. Trust me on this. I know... Makes me think of a previous edition of yours about having friends be too good for you or something like that... You get my drift.

    As for your upcoming knife spectacular... I will be praying. And rest in the peace (no, not rest in peace... in THE peace) that you at least have answers. Maybe not for the whole shebang, but at least for the diagnosis. My story continues... and Jan 14th we will see what yet another doc has to say about me and my weirdness. woohoo.

  6. Oh I love C & J and their remedies. Next time I get sick I'm going straight to J for help.

  7. I don't know if I should say you all are too funny or too sweet. All's I know is I love ya's and if I am willing to help those I don't even know I am certainly gonna help those I love.

    Know that C & J will be praying for your recovery Dave.

    God Bless



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