Thursday, June 16, 2011
I Missed What?
I’m pretty sure I was fifteen years old. My drum teacher, Jim, offered to take me to see this new movie that’s supposed to be pretty good. The movie is called “Alien.” Science fiction mixed with a monster movie mixed with a horror story, or so people said. How could it lose, right?
We ran a little bit late and got there just as the movie was starting, so we went in without popcorn and such. The movie started off okay. Dark and moody, but a bit slow. People rambling about a ship. There was this brief thing where the little long tailed creature was captured. But it seemed like I just had time to get some popcorn and pop.
So I head out to the lobby and get my stuff, and go back into the theater. As I’m walking in, I can just tell, somehow, that the mood of the entire room has changed. It was weird. So I take my seat and Jim says, very quietly, but with a lot of energy, “I can’t believe you missed it! This thing busted out of that guys stomach and ran across the room! It was wild! I can’t believe you missed it!”
Ahhh, but I could. And it was very disheartening.
I missed a lot of things. Not just movies, but lots of different experiences and events. It was a kind of talent. The “you shoulda” and “you coulda” moments have been many. So when I hear people say, “Timing is everything,” it strikes a chord with me. It might not be everything, but it seems to really matter a lot. And it’s hard to be at peace about this sometimes. There’s a part of me, an immature part, that always feels like I might be missing something important or that I might be doing the wrong things.
You can see how this might be a challenge for a person of faith.
I have gained a kind of peace over all of this. It’s less about me and more about trusting that God knows what he’s doing. But sometimes I still imagine I’ll get to the afterlife and there will be this room where you can watch film clips of what life would have been like if you had been at this place or that place at a certain time instead of where you were, or what directions life would have taken if you had made this choice or that choice instead of the one you did. Perhaps it will be called the potentiality multiverse viewing room, or something, I don’t know. But, in that room, people would sit and watch, some with a sense of relief and others with a sense of regret.
I think I’ll stop now before I get any more stupid. But I’m sure this reveals some flaw in my psyche. And yet, it’s not really about my beliefs. It’s more about my feelings. Feelings are hard to make sense of some times. They tend to do what they want to.
And, by the way, I eventually saw the part of Alien I missed, but by that time I had already heard what happened and the experience was gone. There was no getting it back.
Sad but true.
Peace to you.
© LW Publishing 2011